Frustrated

So maybe I don't have a right to complain since I haven't posted in about fifty years, but this is my blog and I will do with it what I wish. And right, a little bit of complaining and letting out some steam sounds pretty darn good.

All right. So, this isn't a big deal or anything, but along with my original fiction, like my Altera novels, I write Harry Potter fanfiction. It's more a stress reliever than anything, and sometimes it helps me overcome a particularly frustrating writer's block, (except this current one - which I will get to later).

Okay, so there's a system set up over there where you can request a beta reader for your fic and then you get one, and it's pretty normal stuff for a writer. Being the kind, considerate, (and muse-less) girl I am, I offered to be this person's beta reader despite the fact that their fic isn't something I would normally read. I read and critiqued their first chapter and, yeah, there was a lot of red versus black when I was done with it - but it wasn't a bad thing...

Okay, I'm lying, it was a bad thing. Not because they had a ton of grammar/spelling/sentence errors. You know, the silly ones that once they're pointed out you mumble to yourself something about getting a better spell-checker. Or, well, at least I do that. -cough-

These were story, structure, characterization errors. I pointed them out as thoughtfully and kindly as I could, sent the chapter back, and waited for the author response.

It wasn't exactly friendly.

No, he or she (I'm not really sure as they never revealed their sex) wasn't rude, or mean, and they didn't say spiteful things, but they definitely acted defensive and cold. And hey, I understand that, we writers are touchy  creatures and if you say our baby is anything less than perfect... watch out!

But if you're asking for someone to be a beta reader, I think it's only fair that you're mentally prepared to have your work ripped apart. And I'm sorry if I'm too in depth but don't you want your story to have some depth to it and be the very best and shiniest it can be?

It's probably silly that this is one of the things that's frustrating me tonight/this morning, but it kind of hurt my feelings. I'm not getting paid to do this, I don't especially want to do it, but I felt bad because he or she had been waiting almost a month for someone to even answer their request and I thought, I've got some extra time on my hands, I'll give it a go.

But is it really to much to ask for a little gratitude? Because I'm certainly not getting anything.

And from this we move on to the even more frustrating topic of... writer's block. I have an extremely unfortunate case of it. I have a shiny new computer, a great version of word, all of my notes organized, pictures of my characters, chapters plotted, and... nada. I'm not getting anything, and what I do manage to force out sounds stupid. No, I'm not talking, 'oh, I'll be able to edit this later' I'm talking, 'this is total crap and I'm going to have to chuck it later anyway.'

ugh. It's enough to make a girl pull her insanely long hair out. ><

I literally can't write anything. I can just listen to classical music on repeat and have the urge to rip my hair out.

I hate writer's block and now I want ice cream.

Such is my life. Maybe you guys didn't miss me while I was gone - I'm such a mess. D:

-Julie